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Sunday, December 27th, 2009
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12:53 am - exerpt from Seymour's diary
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"She looked over at me when the children in the picture brought in the kitten to show to their mother. M. loved the kitten and wanted me to love it. Even in the dark, I could sense that she felt the usual estrangement from me when I don't automatically love what she loves. Later, when we were having a drink at the station, she asked me if I didn't think that kitten was 'rather nice.' She doesn't use the word 'cute' any more. When did I ever frighten her out of her normal vocabulary? Bore that I am, I mentioned R. H. Blyth's definition of sentimentality: that we are being sentimental when we give to a thing more tenderness than God gives to it. I said (sententiously?) that God undoubtedly loves kittens, but not, in all probability, with Technicolor booties on their paws. He leaves that creative touch to script writers. M. thought this over, seemed to agree with me, but the 'knowledge' wasn't too welcome. She sat stirring her drink and feeling unclose to me. She worries over the way her love for me comes and goes, appears and disappears. She doubts its reality simply because it isn't as steadily pleasurable as a kitten. God knows it is sad. The human voice conspires to desecrate everything on earth."
--Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters, J.D. Salinger
current music: Help Yourself - Sad Brad Smith
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| Saturday, November 14th, 2009
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1:37 pm
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| Thursday, August 20th, 2009
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12:53 am - Expanding Peripheral
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Alright, I'm gonna give it a shot. I'm going to try to expand Peripheral (my 10 minute play from playworks 2007, directed by the capable Robin, starring the amazing Katie, Charles, and Michael.)
I got a lot of positive feedback on the performances of the work and I was always kind of interested in what it might become if I let it spread out more.
So. Ideas. I need ideas. I know several of you saw it and was wondering if there was anything you thought you wanted to see from it. Like, if you left thinking, "I really wish the boyfriend and the gay roommate could have had a scene together." I should probably add more characters, since it's a lot for three actors to do two full acts by themselves.
I think I'm just so used to the things the characters do say (having poured over them for more than a year as I wrote it,) that I'm having trouble venturing into what else they might say.
current music: tegan and sara
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| Tuesday, March 3rd, 2009
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10:21 pm - Goals for March
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This month I would like to achieve the following:
-advance my ukulele playing
-start climbing again
-add more than 200 dollars to my savings
-be present with energy for every performance of Not Such Stuff
-train as a head waiter
-train as a to-go person
-go out without spending money, or guard my spending on fun week by week
-finish extended Lord of the Rings triology
-find antenna for my new tv
-make time for old and new friends
-figure out how to spend time with these friends without breaking my budget
-finally see Billy again! (<-I have very little control over this one.)
current music: C'Mere - Interpol
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| Thursday, February 12th, 2009
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8:10 pm - I really want Chinese food from Towson's Best
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I've started Tweeting. My Twitter name is the same as my AIM name if you wanna find me. Do any of you Twitter? Do you wanna follow each other? I want more people to follow. Guess who's following me! Give up? Demetri Martin!
I'm in a play! "Not Such Stuff" is a play where 8 Shakespearean heroines give their takes on their stories in a talking heads sort of style. I'm Ophelia, who has a LOT to say apparently. The play, the people in the play, and the company presenting the play are all really cool. The Venus Theatre is run almost entirely by one amazing woman, and she's built this company over years now to have a theatre group that gives flight to the voices of women. It's all rather rad. But I have a lot to memorize in a short time. The play performs every weekend in March, I'll give you more specifics soon.
I auditioned for the League of Washington Theatres this week. Nothing will come of it, but it's a good milestone to have conquered.
I hope I come up with something distracting to do on Saturday night.
current music: 30 Rock
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| Thursday, January 15th, 2009
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9:08 am - rainbow rainbow rainbow!
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I don't know if I mentioned why Billy is in South America, but he is there climbing the highest peak in the southern hemisphere and I keep having dreams that he's gotten horribly injured or altitude sick.
But he messaged me last night! He's safe and healthy and off the mountain! He said his dad's Wii Fit is asking where I am. And that a boy was thinking of me last week standing 20,000 feet in the air.
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| Tuesday, December 30th, 2008
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11:29 pm - one of those year summerizer thingies
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| Thursday, December 25th, 2008
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8:41 pm - your skin is something that I stir into my tea
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We decided in November to break up on Christmas day. It's an involved story, which I'll spare you. So we broke up and now he's on his way to Argentina. I feel like someone took an organ out of my middle, and I can feel where the hole is. His goneness feels large already.
But I managed to have a nice Christmas, Billy-etomy aside. I was given many lovely things from thoughtful lovely people and I liked seeing people like what I gave them. Thank you to those who sent me merry wishes, and also thanks to you few who knew and have condoled with me. Try saying that last phrase outloud, the rhyming has an interesting and unintentional music to it. "To you few who knew."
Music! I now own a lovely soprano ukulele. I must learn to play it. And tune it. I also now own a Zippo lighter that says "Fuck Communism" on it. That's another involved story that I don't know by heart yet; I need to take notes the next time it's told to me.
I'm unemployed, I live at home, my best friend is in South America for months, my climbing gym membership just expired and I can't afford to renew it, rendering my lovely climbing-related presents sad and deferred. But life is not at all bad. Some people I don't see very often are home for the holiday and some people I don't see very often live near me year round, so I have lots of folks to seek out and conversate with. I'm looking up auditions and not talking myself out of going to them. I'm recognizing that I need to look for a job that will pay me money. I finally got my room set up the way I like it.
One of my pillows still smells like that spiking glue he would put in his mohawk. Like coconut milk made of plastic. The flowers he gave me on Saturday when he surprised me with an ice skating date have withered. I don't really have a conclusion. Or a nice way to wrap this up.
current music: Joanna Newsom
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| Friday, October 24th, 2008
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12:33 pm
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FRIENDS OF MINE LIVING IN NEW YORK!!!
I'm traveling to Montreal via NYC starting on the 20th of November with a friend. Would anyone be willing to let us crash on their floor for one or two nights before we roll on to Canada? We wanted to see a bit of the city and I want to see a lot of my buddies who live there. Can anyone help us out?
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| Tuesday, October 21st, 2008
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11:06 pm - oh love of mine can you condescend to help me cause I'm stupid and blind
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Today I:
-woke up in my very favorite way and then got to sleep in some more
-had a sexy lumberjack make me pancakes
-drove to Virginia to take out a sailboat
-it was too windy to sail, drove back to Chevy Chase
-got geared up to get the lumberjack a haircut then go bouldering at the gym
-haircut made us both sleepy
-ate sandwiches
-took blankets outside and napped in a sunny patch in backyard
-watched him get ready to go train to be a cocktail server (to replace me after I leave)
-showered; smelled better, looked fluffier
-went to eat in the cocktail section to support/harrass him during his training
-got a little slooshed on margaritas, ate everything ever
-added a billion applications to my iGoogle
-spent a litteral half hour scrolling through pictures of cats on my new pictures of cats iGoogle application
-made plans to sleep in tomorrow, wake up in my favorite way, and make the lumberjack steak and eggs
Tomorrow I might:
-wake up my favorite way and make breakfast
-succeed in going sailing
-go climbing
-go running
-hang out with Carter
-buy a couple things to finish my Halloween costume
-help the lumberjack plan a costume since he is not working on the 31st anymore!
-try to get my cocktail Saturday covered so I can ride rollercoasters with my fave girls
-call my health insurance about why they sent me a bill AGAIN when last month the lady on the phone said my account clearly understood that I had direct deposit from my checking account
-look up things to do when I'm in Honolulu
-look up cheap ways to get to and stay in Montreal for a few days
-look up cheap ways to get to and stay in Madison for a few days
-get more stuff organized in my room
-photograph my desk so I can try to sell in on Craigslist
-make sure I don't overeat, or eat excessive sugar
-deal with being one day closer to losing my newest most wonderful best friend
current music: Belle & Sebastian - The State I'm In
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| Friday, October 17th, 2008
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3:30 pm
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Things that I am about, October 2008:
Red Bull, peanut M&Ms, chest surgery scars, Vampire Weekend, Ped Egg, too short bangs, bored poverty, meat steam, mouse noses, leaves blowing off trees like they sneezed, hip kisses, The Office, fun undies (or fundies), Montreal, knowing lots about tequila and nothing about wine, finger calluses, gum, growing lat muscles on my back, add faj chz, my band (The Reverse Swirls), cereal, new-to-me restaurants, Top Model, parking meters, refried air, gin and tonic, movies, "campusing", eyelashes, Honolulu, MY LAST DAY AT RIO OCTOBER 30, Netflix, my 1995 Honda Civic, Nick Cave, having health insurance, my brother, water refills, Obama signs in my neighborhood, peanuts in the shell, tray service, my part of his face, Aconcagua, apparently I drink coffee now, good morning kisses, Belle and Sebastian, getting a pet?, selling furniture, Italo Calvino's Cosmicomics, only being a year apart now, Aqua Velva, how excited everyone is for us, jacket weather, touching his hair, candy corn, slipper shoes, wishing I saw more of you people more often, pumpkin carving ideas, bagels, how sad Christmas will be, trying to be a good boyfriend, queso dip, Wolf Parade, Billy.
current music: Oxford Comma - Vampire Weekend
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| Tuesday, July 8th, 2008
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2:18 am - he only laughs when he's sad. and he's sad all the time so he laughs the whole night through
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I work a lot. And when I finish a dinner shift and feel like I have to do something fun before I roll in for my following lunch shift, it seems to me like all I do is work. So I go to a poker game in a friend's new apartment where there's a shortage of chairs and I'm too tired to do much but stare into space and chime in on the occational 'that's what she said.'
But I should remember that I actually do get a lot of fun stuff done in my current life. Like in this past calender week I had some pretty good times. I just have to remember that I had them, when work blurs together and it seems like I'm always there.
Tuesday: Worked lunch, had dinner with Jess (at work, so what) and we caught up a bit. Saw a midnight movie with Mickey and Richard, Hancock, it was only okay.
Wednesday: Drove up to Towson for a doctors appointment. Remembered why I love my doctor as she wrote me a very official letter about how healthy I am to help me stick it to the bums who rejected me for health insurance (my most major tragedy of late.) Bought some stuff at H&M. Then Ben and I tried to go see the new Hunter S. Thompson documentary but the tickets I had won were useless because the theatre filled up before we could get there. So we went and had drinks and snack at work and then saw a movie, Get Smart, it was only okay.
Thursday: Worked lunch and dinner because I picked up for the house. I have trouble saying no to them because I really want to get in good, have the N for New taken off my name so I can train to work cocktail.
Friday: Dont know what I did during the day. Worked dinner.
Saturday: Got up at 7 to work brunch. My shoe broke at noon and I had to work three more hours with it tripping me up. Then rushed to Uncle Andy's in Catonsville for a family pool party. Swimming was done when I got there but the food was good and it was nice to see everybody. My cousin gave me a Holy Spirit pendant she bought on her trip to the vatican. I haven't taken it off. I drove from Catonsville to Hamilton in Baltimore (with a brief stop at Adri's in Fells') to hang out with Chris. That was actually really nice. Some drinks, watched a movie on TV, went to Club Chuck and saw some of Sean and Holland.
Sunday: Only got to sleep til 11 because I had to get home and get myself together (and buy new shoes) to work at 4. It's the worst thing ever to leave a nice comfy bed with a nice comfy person in it when they get to keep sleeping and you dont. I made a lot of money at my 4 oclock shift though and they told me I earned having my N taken off. Yay! Small victories are important, and credited to my new holy spirit necklace.
Monday: Had some lunch and got my haircut with Mickey. It was nice to do something with my day before my 5:30 dinner shift, I usually just bum around until I have to go. Then work. Then sleepy poker. Now this.
None of that was interesting to those who aren't me. But that's what I'm up to. I see some people, but not everyone I want to see. I'm tired and hungry all the time. I'm tired and hungry now.
current music: vincent obrien - m. ward
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| Monday, July 7th, 2008
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2:05 am
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So I know you've all been asking: Hey, Julia, what songs are awesome?
I'm glad you asked. These songs are awesome:
Weezer - The Greatest Man That Ever Lived (variations on a Shaker hymn)
Kimya Dawson - So Nice So Smart
Rilo Kiley - Portions for Foxes
Jason Mraz - I'm Yours
The Cure - Friday I'm In Love
The Mountain Goats - The Best Ever Death Metal Band Out of Denton
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| Tuesday, May 20th, 2008
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6:38 pm - I think I want to change how I roll.
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So when he sent me a text message and asked me "Had you ever stayed up with someone all night before?", what was I supposed to say?
"Yes, I have done it before. Staying up all night talking and not having sex but sharing kisses with someone I barely know but start to know more and more until my spaniel heart falls dizzyingly in love, then parting in the morning expecting never to see each other again but in reality spending the following untold months chasing each other through electronic devices, never fully satisfied because we can never get back how incredible it felt to really open up and be with and love someone without reservation and we probably never will? That's actually just how I roll."
Instead I told a story about playing Risk all night that was a composite of a couple friendly innocuous experiences. I need a new scene.
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| Wednesday, April 30th, 2008
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11:54 pm - In which Julia puts off finishing an easy paper
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What we have here is the top 106 books most often marked as ‘unread’ by LibraryThing’s users. As in, they sit on the shelf to make you look smart or well-rounded. Bold the ones you've read, underline the ones you read for school, italicize the ones you started but didn't finish. Here's the twist: add (*) beside the ones you liked and would (or did) read again or recommend. Even if you read 'em for school in the first place.
( apparently, my education did not fail me as much as I thought )
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| Saturday, April 19th, 2008
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1:31 am - rainbow rainbow rainbow!
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Someone drew Bart Simpson giving a peace sign on my white board.
I had a series of wonderful times this evening. Life can be pretty great.
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| Wednesday, March 26th, 2008
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12:43 am - I have to write a paper...
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People On the Food Network I Would Do:
-Geof from Ace of Cakes
-the American host of Iron Chef
-the Japanese host of Iron Chef
-Cat Cora
-Elmo
-the Australian guy who does Take Home Chef
-Tom Colequio
-Mary Alice from Ace of Cakes
-Rachel Ray
-that annoying little woman who doesn't look Italian
"When you punish a person for dreaming his dream
Don't expect him to thank or forgive you.
The best ever death metal band out of Denton
Will in time both outpace and outlive you!
Hail Satan!"
current music: The Best Ever Death Metal Band Out of Denton - The Mountain Goats
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| Saturday, March 1st, 2008
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3:05 pm
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I'm trying to factor out my odds of success if I try to make toast over an open flame. Because I have bread, and butter-substitute, and I want yummy toast with butter-flavor.
Sometimes I like to go to Target to visit the furnishings. I fantasize about being a grown up and buying lamps and rugs and microwave ovens. I get a little thrill from looking forward to getting my shit together once I'm taking care of myself for real. Maybe that's why I find it strangely sexy when Fff (as he's been tagged by some of my friends) talks about insurance. Because I don't understand insurance, and it's a big part of living in the real world and taking care of myself. Insurance talk is dark and mysterious and full of sexy complicated grown up words. Me-OW.
He thinks I'm strange.
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| Sunday, February 24th, 2008
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6:20 pm - for Oscar night, a movie game
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1. Pick 15 of your favorite movies.
2. Go to IMDB and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them here for everyone to guess.
4. Strike it out when someone guesses correctly, and put who guessed it and the movie.
5. NO GOOGLING/using IMDB search functions. Totally cheating, you dirty cheaters.
1. "When I say I don't remember that day, I'm not lying. I wish I did, but I just don't. Sometimes the most important stuff goes away. Goes away so bad it's like it was never there to begin with."
Extra quote: "You're the one who killed the retarded kid, huh? Was it some kind of devil worship thing?"
Hint: The underappreciated exploration of the beauty behind a horrifying act of mercy.
2. "Is it hot in Chad?"
Extra quote: "We're the few! We're the proud! We're the WATERBOYS!"
Hint: My favorite Pauly Shore performance.
Gotten:
3. "Why do we even *have* that lever?" The Emperor's New Groove
4. "I'm a hero. I was shot twice in the Tribune."
"I read where you were shot 5 times in the tabloids."
"It's not true. He didn't come anywhere near my tabloids."
Extra quote: "Oh, Nicky, I love you because you know such lovely people." The Thin Man
5. "But I'm always dreaming, even when I'm awake; it is never finished."
Extra quote: "When the wine drinks itself, when the skull speaks, when the clock strikes the right time, only then will you find the tunnel that leads to the Red Bull. There be a trick to it, of course." The Last Unicorn
6. "What's the worst word you can possibly imagine?" Atonement
7. "I wonder whether your madness isn't the worst kind. You act healthy, act it so well that everyone believes you--everyone except me, because I know how rotten you are."
Extra hint: quotes probably won't help. The film in in Swedish, the quotes are from the English subtitles and therefore dont have a sound memory for you all to remember (if you've seen it.) See if you can guess the director, he died this past year.
Ingmar Bergman's Persona
8. "Constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating." Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
9. "I'm sorry, Bruce. These boys get that syrup in 'em, they get all antsy in their pantsy." Super Troopers
10. "We're dead! We're dead! We survived but we're dead!" The Incredibles
11. "Look down there. Tell me. Would you really feel any pity if one of those dots stopped moving forever? If I offered you twenty thousand pounds for every dot that stopped, would you really, old man, tell me to keep my money, or would you calculate how many dots you could afford to spare?" The Third Man
12. "What happens in the meadow at dusk?" I Heart Huckabees
13. "Get yourself a fag rag."
Extra quote: "Oh my God, I'm getting pulled over. Everyone, just... pretend to be normal." Little Miss Sunshine
14. "I'm going crazy. I'm standing here solidly on my own two hands and going crazy." The Philadelphia Story
15. "This man's heart is deficient. He loves, but his love is worth nothing." Angels in America
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| Wednesday, February 13th, 2008
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12:28 am - in our days we will say what our ghosts will say
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I was feeling down this evening. An unprompted feeling of neglect, lack of romantic inspiration or options, exhaustion, and a little hungry. I set out to improve my mood by going to get a snack by myself at the late night coffee shop. I brought a magazine. Reading material is a must when I venture into public to do something solo.
I ate my snack and drank my soda and read about how movie heroines might be changing for the better. My mood did not improve, but at least mellowed. Felt more like a sigh than a sob.
A Bob Dylan song came on the loudspeaker. At first I thought I was only recognizing his voice in knowing it was his song. But then I realized I knew the words, but still knew nothing else about what song it migh be. Just that I must have heard it more than once during my life. It was nice. Like a visit from someone I didnt really know, but remembered liking. Someone I didnt know long enough to form any bad opinions about.
When all of a sudden a shadow falls on my table and a male voice says "Hello." It was a friend of exactly the caliber I had just finished musing about. He had coffee ice cream and had recognized me and was saying hello. He asked what I was reading and I told him and he made the common mistake of thinking the title meant it was a gossip mag. I defended it, saying it was really about pop culture media, and that I liked it because it had movie reviews. He agreed with me that movie reviews were enjoyable to read, and that we both thought it would be satisfying to write them for a living. Then out of the blue I told him that I was thinking about moving to New Zealand. We parted ways pleasantly. So that was kind of nice. It did upgrade my mood.
Closing, non-sequitor thought: A bird in the hand is worth nothing if you can't get it off the ground. Flightless bird, American mouth.
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calitetra's journal